I'm pregnant! Yay!!! It's all I wanted or could think about for 6 months before it happened, and when it did, I was ecstatic! But... Then I became miserable. When I was pregnant with Em, it was my first pregnancy. I didn't like all the "rules", giving up control of my body and slowly losing my freedom. My only legitimate complaint, though was exhaustion. Like real exhaustion. I would sleep great all night, but when I woke in the morning, my legs and body felt like I had run a marathon! I had maybe 4 days that I didn't feel decent. Overall, nothing to complain about. Especially in comparison...
Ah, but this pregnancy is much, much different! Opposite in almost every way. I'm almost 22 weeks along now and two weeks ago I was able to stop taking anti-nausea meds. The nausea has not kept me from gaining weight like you would think. In fact, the only thing I can choke down are hangover foods! One morning, I had to order chili cheese tots... At 10am! It was THE ONLY THING THAT SOUNDED EDIBLE! Not to be confused with sounding good. Also, I have very painful vericose veins popping up only on my right leg. And something called varicosity of the round ligament- which hurts like a B! I have to prop my legs up and use a heating pad constantly. Also, I'm not able to sleep well. Feeling like crap for so long, needing a decent night's rest, and my body falling apart, has made me the most negative person! My hormones are out of whack, and I just feel down most of the time. Not how I intended this pregnancy to go.
I always thought that I would do this second pregnancy right. I'd exercise frequently, eat healthy and most importantly, I would APPRECIATE the gift God is giving me. Fail. I have been terrible. I have mostly kept to myself so that my horrible attitude doesn't rub off on anyone. I wanted this baby so badly, but he has made me work for it every step of the way! I hope once I hold this little guy in my arms, all is forgiven. But if my round ligament ruptures during labor, I can't promise anything.
Oh- and I live in Texas. This baby is due August 23rd. I have a 3 year old. See what I'm getting at?! I will have no choice but to spend time outdoors in the most miserable Texas heat. Possibly in support hose. Seriously, pray for me. Pray that Em and J don't catch my poor attitude and ungratefulness. I'm ashamed of how I feel, yet I can't seem to kick these emotions. I feel like I've been experiencing a four and a half month long hangover. And I'm just getting warmed up.
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